BEFORE
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| Sweet Ev, May 2008 |
AFTER
2 1/2 years later...
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| Sweet Ev, November 2010 |
I am fully aware that tantrums are a normal part of emotional development for toddlers, YET I am having extreme difficultly handling Everett's meltdowns; epecially when they happen in public.
Most of the time his tantrums are because he is not allowed to be in control of certain situations. Our most recent tantrum happened this weekend while taking our family Christmas photos. Everett became immediately whiny and teary because we expected him to join us for pictures. Sadly the experience was dreadful. Over half of our photos were of Everett frowning, crying, and/or not looking at the camera. I'm not sure we captured a suitable shot for this year's Christmas card.
How does one negotiate with a 2 1/2 year old when you're not at home?
This evening I found the "Do's and Don'ts of handling tantrums" on the web. Nowhere on this list did I see "give him/her a good swat on the behind then put him/her to bed, as soon as you return home". Hmmmmm. :o)
Here's something else I found; I think it's hysterical and going to give it a try:Fake it Til You Make It
If you’re losing it, pretend you’re being featured in a tv show and every word is being aired across the nation or will be viewed at your church on Sunday. Odds are, you’ll get your emotions under control rather quickly.
This might sound crazy, but sometimes, if I have no other options, I just pretend I’m patient. I basically pretend I’m up for an Oscar and do my best impression of a sweet, grandma preschool teacher. Sometimes all my frustration being channeled into acting, allows me to calm down and then truly feel relaxed again.
I admit I am not a patient person by nature. And Motherhood has magnified this particular weakness of mine ten fold. Ok. Maybe a gabazillion fold. Times infinity. Plus one. Like Everett, I have a tendency to overreact because I'm not in control. Uh OH, now what?
I'm curious to hear from those of you whom have been down this road before; especially from you Stay-at-Home moms/dads. I could really use all the help/advice I can get.
"Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances."
- Thomas Jefferson
3 comments:
As coocky as it sounds, sometimes the web's advice does work for me, but other times, a spanking is just what m & j need. I think the situation is always exacerbated when you have dozens of glaring, judging eyes watching. but i know that everyone's been in my shoes before.
Oh dear, the dreaded terrible two's and tantrums!
I know exactly how you feel, and feel for you.
I like your advice about being watched by the nation, it would help you be calmer!
I saw a mother dealing with her child having a tantrum at the shops about a year ago. It stuck in my head. Her 3yrs old was screaming and carrying on, and she yelled back, "stop crying, calm down" which ofcourse made the child scream more! Being calm your self, (while not always easy) definatly helps!
Here's some things I have found useful.
1) ignore the tantrum where ever possible. Obviously ensure a safe area for Ev to have a tantrum, but just leave him to it and busy your self with emory on the other side of the room.... If he doesn't get attention, he'll give up (eventually!!)
2) distraction. If you can sense the tantrum coming, try disctracting him with something else. A different toy, something to eat/drink, read a book. Essentially change the subject if you can. Especially if he's asking for something you dont want him to have.
3) bribery!!! (terrible mother) but i try to do bribery in a positive reinforcement type way. For example, if one of my boys doesn't want to take a bath/shower, then I tell them how much fun it will be playing with their bath toys, and how they can pour some water on my hand and wash it if they like. stuff like that. I do admit to using other types of bribery too... try and stop the tantrum before it starts.
4) santa's watching...... be a good boy so you get presents!!!
5) be prepared... I find my boys are always happier and less likely to have a tantrum about something if they are well rested, well fed and not bored. Take snacks and entertainment. I'm sure you already do this, but i find it important, so it makes it on the list!
6) a tantrum at the shops..... I put the offender in the pram and ignore him screaming. It doesn't bother me if people look. I move quickly away from whatever is causing the tantrum (usually a toy he wants but i say no!)
I also find if they are bored at the shops, and that's why they are acting up, the iphone is a great portable toy. Otherwise, get him to help. You can use this as a teaching tool too. my boys love wandering round the grocery store fruit/vege section and I ask them to find the corn, find the tomato etc. They soon forget about whatever they were tantruming about once they are busy helping me. This basically falls under my earlier point of disctration i guess..
7) analyze the tantrum an hour or two later once everyone has calmed down. Try to think why everett had the tantrum. What lead up to it. how did you react and how did he respond to that. What could you have done in hindsight that might be useful next time.
As i'm sure you know, toddlers are very tricky little people, they are begining to discover their independance, they are curious about the world, cause and effect and love to learn about things.
keep that in mind as you analyze his behaviour.
sorry if i have told you so many obvious things you already know, but i hope something here helps.
I find prevention is better than cure!
Sal and Tracie
Ahhhh ladies, it's so nice to hear from you. I needed that. Thanks for all your input and valuable recommendations. I have a long road ahead and am so glad to have such wonderful, supportive friends like you. *hugs!*
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